Hey y’all! There are a lot of new/prego mamas hangin around my Facebook and Instagram so I’m here to sprinkle some info that I was particularly curious about when I was pregnant, which was doing the dirty for the first time after baby! Pregnant mama’s beware, new mama’s may wince, and seasoned mama’s will laugh!
When I was pregnant I cherished my well kept lady bits, and I was SO not looking forward to it being wrecked after baby (I’m sure my husband wasn’t either). As I’ve mentioned before, we’re pretty hot and heavy, I mean have you seen the guy? He’s hot as hell! This did not change throughout my pregnancy. I’m sure it was an ungodly sight to see my big, swollen pregnant ass riding that man….think of Shrek riding Donkey….that’s what I imagine it was like. Anyways, there towards the end of my pregnancy my mom was staying with us, patiently waiting around the clock for miss Scarlet to make her grand entrance…which is nice and all…but a total cock block!
A few weeks post baby I was trying to adjust to our new life, I felt ugly (as I’m sure most new mama’s do) and I just wanted to feel like anything but a dairy cow. My husband had shot me that “come get some of this” look a few times and I desperately wanted to! I demanded his wiener the second that I stopped bleeding…which was week 4.
I know, I KNOW your “supposed” to wait 6 weeks, but I’m basically a teenage boy and I can’t keep it in my pants. So after some persuasion, hubby hesitantly agreed to some P in the V action. Although he seemed to be enjoying himself, I on the other hand had too many thoughts going through my head to really get into it…Like, “I hope the baby is okay, what if she dies while I’m having sex, this makes me such a bad mom, I hope my stitches are healed, he seems like it’s good, is he faking it? Did I just hear the baby cry? I wonder if he saw my episiotomy scar, will I have a scar? What if I lactate on him!” Not to mention, breastfeeding left my crotch feeling like the Sahara. Breastfeeding also made my boobs into boulders…big ginormous PAINFUL boulders….fun to look at, not so fun to play with!
Let’s move the subject farther south though, having sex 4 weeks after squeezing a child out of your crotch makes dick feel like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. Like I said, he didn’t seem to mind much. My episiotomy wasn’t “totally” healed so it was uncomfortable. Dry, painful, loose feeling hoo haa…that’s what it’s like 4 weeks after a baby.
Let me clear the air a bit, it doesn’t stay like that forever! Thankfully after about 12 weeks things started to “somewhat” feel normal again. I could actually enjoy myself. Your vag will NOT be the same but it’s a minor difference. My advice is to wait the full 6 weeks…longer of course if your not a disgusting horn dog like me. And LUBE IT UP!!! A wiener going into your newly stretched out vagina feels like a searing hot metal pipe, so also be ready to have turtle sex (my analogy for take it slow as fuck).